Total Drek

Or, the thoughts of several frustrated intellectuals on Sociology, Gaming, Science, Politics, Science Fiction, Religion, and whatever the hell else strikes their fancy. There is absolutely no reason why you should read this blog. None. Seriously. Go hit your back button. It's up in the upper left-hand corner of your browser... it says "Back." Don't say we didn't warn you.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

This would be annoying if I weren't a pathological liar to begin with.

In an apparent effort to discredit me, the American Red Cross has sent me a free CD. How does that discredit me, you ask? Well, some of you will recall that in a recent post I asserted that the Red Cross is an organization with religious roots that has evolved into a largely secular group. I should really have learned by this point that making such claims is a sure-fire way to lure fate into smacking me around.

So, sure enough, mere days after writing that post I received a holiday CD from the Red Cross with six holiday music tracks burned onto it. Not just any holiday tracks, though: we're talking some of the most agonizing lounge-singer versions of beloved christmas tunes ever committed to compact disc. Regrettably, this is an effort too amateurish to be committed to the CDDB, so I can't point you to it online. I can, however, assure you that it contains things like "Little Drummer Boy," "Joy to the World," and "Silent Night." Fine. Charming. There's just one small problem.

Why is all the music Christian? I mean, seriously, we all know that there are other holidays around this time of year. What about some good old fashioned Hanukkah music? (Or Chanukkah, or Channukkah, or Xaennuqiahe, or however the fuck it's being transliterated this week) I mean, would it have been too much goddamn trouble to put on the appropriate tunage so I could get my dreidel on? What about Kwanzaa music (if there is such a thing)? Would a single tune have been too much of a burden to deal with? Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have listened to it even if it DID have Hanukkah and Kwanzaa music on it, seeing as how I'm not only non-christian, but also non-Jewish and non-... um... hmmm.... Kwanzoid? Whatever, since I'm not any of that stuff I still wouldn't have listened but I'm a fan of diversity. Just a thought, Red Cross, but a fair number of your donors are probably devoutly non-Christian. I appreciate the holiday thought, but seriously, put a little more thought into it next time.

Now, there are some Christmas and holiday CDs that are worth our time. For example, there's this fine title from Islamic Jihad Records. Then there's this excellent album featuring Mrs. Claus. Finally, there are even some Christmas CDs that are a little like trainwrecks: you don't want to watch, but you can't look away. Yes, there are many, many holiday CDs that I might bring myself to purchase.

Of course, to be honest, I DO own a CD of christmas music. Specifically, I own a copy of "Metal Christmas" an album of christmas music produced by heavy metal bands and guitarists. Yeah, it virtually screams "This fulfills our community service hours for that incident with the sixteen year-old and the donkey," but frankly that just makes it so much more fun to listen to. Besides, it's the only album of Christmas music that poses the vital question (And keep in mind that I am 100% serious about this lyric) I find myself asking every year:

"Whatcha gonna do when you see mommy touching Santa Claus?"

Indeed.

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