Total Drek

Or, the thoughts of several frustrated intellectuals on Sociology, Gaming, Science, Politics, Science Fiction, Religion, and whatever the hell else strikes their fancy. There is absolutely no reason why you should read this blog. None. Seriously. Go hit your back button. It's up in the upper left-hand corner of your browser... it says "Back." Don't say we didn't warn you.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Introducing...

The other evening I saw an advertisement for a new product. You can find it via this website if you're curious, but the product in question is the new Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. Right, it's Dr. Pepper with cherry and vanilla flavorings added in. Right, to the same product. I can only assume that the motto of this product is:

Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper: So revolutionary, so new, so hip, even we don't know what the hell it tastes like!

I know I've addressed this issue before but is there, just maybe, a possibility that capitalism might eventually birth a product that we can actually use? I mean, seriously, who comes up with this crap? Pepsi Twist? As in- "twist of lemon" that is. Crystal Pepsi? Because I really get my undies in a bunch because my soda isn't transparent! Then there are the Mountain Dew variants: Code Red, Live Wire, Pitch Black (Which may alter the color of your feces, according to some), and finally Baja Blast. Come to think of it- these are all Pepsi products. I'd say that we have Pepsi to blame for this soda proliferation, but having consumed both Sierra Mist and Surge, I know that Coca-Cola has its own fine selection of apocalyptically bad soft drinks. (For the record, I actually like Mountain Dew: Code Red, particularly as the original Mountain Dew tastes roughly like Bantha piss. I also happen to really like Mr. Pibb, and will tolerate its bastard offspring Pibb Xtra, if only because regular Mr. Pibb is so hard to find anymore. That is not, however, the f-ing point.)

So, soft drink makers, I ask you, what's next? New Filet Mignon Coke? How about Pepsi Maple, infused with real Vermont maple syrup? Maybe just a nice, refreshing, V8Xtreme? Hey, you haven't had tomato juice until you've had it with enough caffeine to drop an elephant!

I think I'm just going to have some fucking water, okay? How about that? Are you happy now? At least then I know what I'm goddamn drinking, and roughly what it will taste like.

Or do I?

2 Comments:

Blogger jeremy said...

Didn't Dr. Pepper always have a slight cherryness about it? If you drink it warm--I mean, not room temperature warm, but actually heat-it-up warm--the cherryness really comes out.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 8:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*shudder*
I have actually tasted Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper. At least I think I have; it is hard to recall. Maybe the doubt stems from a subconscious desire to repress the memory of being confronted with the revolting drink to end all revolting drinks. Surely the bottom line of the product is: taste this and we guarantee that by the time you finish your glass you won't care what the hell it is supposed to taste like.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005 3:33:00 AM  

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