Total Drek

Or, the thoughts of several frustrated intellectuals on Sociology, Gaming, Science, Politics, Science Fiction, Religion, and whatever the hell else strikes their fancy. There is absolutely no reason why you should read this blog. None. Seriously. Go hit your back button. It's up in the upper left-hand corner of your browser... it says "Back." Don't say we didn't warn you.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Life's important questions.

On a recent stroll to our local Circle-K convenience store two of my officemates and I had a rather fascinating conversation. This conversation was about our plans in the event of some sort of apocalypse- and the "some sort" rapidly transformed into a more specific kind. We discussed our plans in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

Now one of my officemates, who we will refer to as Davan, had never considered this question. Indeed, he hadn't even pondered the various tactical distinctions between the fleet-footed Nu Zombies of recent years, and the shambling undead of yesteryear. Much less had he considered the difference in the difficulties presented by zombies generated by some sort of zombie-comet versus those created by an infectious agent. Even less had he considered the advantages of zombies with a limited shelf-life. I was simply shocked. How careless can one man be?

My other officemate, who happens to be my Former Hypothetical Roommate (FHR) had actually considered this question before. As it happens, so had I. I can't really share our migratory plans following the apocalypse, save that we prefer an area that can be defended, and is spacious enough to support agriculture. I can, however, share that we agree that if we are confronting Nu Zombies we need some sort of rifle that is capable of firing three-round bursts. On the other hand, Old School zombies clearly can be dealt with using a medium to large caliber semi-automatic rifle with decent sights and/or a scope. A large caliber backup pistol of the semi-automatic variety was also deemed highly desirable. It was agreed that, if available, long sleeved clothing of some tough material that is relatively resistant to human bites would be a good thing. It's quite remarkable how many otherwise-minor wounds prove to be fatal when zombies are involved!

Our main priorities in the event of apocalypse can be summed up as weapons, ammunition, transportation, fuel, water, and food, in that order. Shelter, doubtless, would come later but qualifies as a short-to-medium term objective, rather than an immediate priority. Hey, if you get bogged down in oh, say, a shopping mall life is likely to get better briefly, and then get a whole lot worse.

We also debated the relative virtues of a selection of heavier weapons. We decided that mortars and grenade launchers would be quite useful- especially if we could establish a relatively open perimeter and kill zone. The usefulness of flamethrowers, however, seemed limited. After all, zombies don't seem to feel pain, so you'd really have to wait for them to disintegrate via fire. I just don't think we have that kinda time. Finally, we thought that polearms might be handy in the event we were able to establish a perimeter. You know, you could use them to thin the ever-present zombie hordes pressing against the fences. You conserve ammo that way.

Needless to say, sometimes we are really desperate to not discuss sociology.

So, in any case, now that we've had our chance, I'm curious: what plans has everyone else made in case of zombie apocalypse? Anyone want to share their brilliant ideas? And if they're especially good, I might be persuaded to offer some "fabulous" prizes. C'mon, put that comment function to good use!

And be sure, as you write, to use your braaaaaaiiiiiinnnnnnnssssss!

3 Comments:

Anonymous alienacean said...

Drek, you seem to have fallen prey to the stereotypes of zombies presented by the media! Zombies aren't all that bad, just misunderstood. They may have trouble with words, being that their vocal cords and tongues are distended and decaying, but that doesn't mean they're mindless eating machines. They just want to hang out and enjoy their unlife. Mostly they will just sit around and play Monopoly. In the event of a zombie-apocalyse, your best bet is to act like a zombie and live among them. Make friends, play video games with them (like in Shaun of the Dead), toss them a scrap of cow-brain once in a while, and you'll be well on your way to a satisfying post-apocalyptic lifestyle.

Saturday, August 27, 2005 2:14:00 PM  
Anonymous alan said...

I refuse to accept that zombies are simply part of a post-apocalyptic "lifestyle." While some might argue that zombification is an alternative "identity," I cannot see it as anything but a pernicious and destructive force in our culture. Eating the flesh of others to spread what can only be thought of as a disease is most certainly not acceptable. Post-mortemnity, pushed on us (with much groaning and mindless limb-flailing) as it is by the so-called fundead agenda, has no place in our public places. "Adam and Eve," not "Hnnnrhrglzk and Uggmrtbld!"

Monday, August 29, 2005 11:58:00 AM  
Blogger Coatlicue said...

Actually, thereĀ“s a "zombie apocalypse test" somewhere in the web, with planty of questions regarding what to do or not during such a situation. In the end, my result was about 97%: lonely survivor, you make it but none of your mates survives. Ehm...pretty sad, hehe.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008 4:16:00 AM  

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