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Monday, September 12, 2005

I am a changed man.

It is well known to most of you that I am a damned dirty atheist. Moreover, I'm not just an atheist, but I'm a painfully materialist atheist. No, this doesn't mean that I'm obsessed with gathering possessions but, rather, means that I doubt the existence of anything beyond the physical universe. This, obviously, precludes the existence of an immaterial soul, a belief in ghosts, or acceptance of any other of the wacky invisible bogeymen that are the mainstay of many religions. What can I say? I'm a hardass.

Or was a hardass, anyway, because I have had a conversion experience. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have been exposed to a new gospel, and a new god, whose grace and magnificence overwhelms me. I have received the good word of the true lord of all creation, He who made the world- the mountains, the trees, and midgets. I have learned of the good works that He does, and I now know the joy of being touched by His noodly appendage. I refer, of course, to the Flying Spagetti Monster, who looks down upon us from on high and promises many rewards in the afterlife, including a beer volcano and a stripper factory. Gaze ye heathens upon his visage and weep, for now you know your true master!



I would speak more of the teachings of the Flying Spagetti Monster but to do so would be sinful as I am not wearing full pirate regalia. To teach His word without wearing the raiment of His pastaficience angers Him and, believe you me, you don't want to anger the Flying Spagetti Monster. To know more about the love of the Spagetti Monster you should spend some time reading the gospel according to his Prophet who has given us a bold look into the birth of makind during the original creation:



Indeed, an aweseome sight. Yet, the majesty of the Flying Spagetti Monster does not end here. In the style of Dan Brown those who worship his Noodleness, the Pastafarians, have discovered the presence of the Flying Spagetti Monster in works of art:



As well as in the observations of the night sky:



A god of such magnificance, such pastaficience, truly is worthy of our adoration. Also, more importantly, He is clearly a superior being to those that others want taught in the classroom. As they say, we must teach the controversy. Also, just as clearly, several members of the Kansas School Board agree. It is, indeed, a bright dawn for Pastafarianism!

I urge you to read more about it, paying special attention to the academic and political endorsements. Equally important, be sure to support the movement by volunteering or purchasing some fine Flying Spagetti Monster merchandise, including a selection of fine car emblems:



And of course, last but not least, be sure and play the flash game. Any religion that comes with an online game is, after all, pretty sweet.

All praises be to Him and His noodly appendages.

Yaarrrrr!

UPDATE: Coincidentally, the guys over at Sore Thumbs have produced a rather charming comic about the Flying Spagetti Monster.

Okay, seriously, I haven't converted to Pastafarianism, though I must confess a rather substantial sympathy towards it. I will, however, observe that the Flying Spagetti Monster is no more ridiculous a choice for supreme being than some other more popular invisible friends.

1 Comments:

Blogger jeremy said...

I don't have much to offer by way of comment other than to identify myself as a fellow FSM fan and someone who has been pleased with the way the development of the religion has evolved.

Monday, September 12, 2005 2:18:00 PM  

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