Total Drek

Or, the thoughts of several frustrated intellectuals on Sociology, Gaming, Science, Politics, Science Fiction, Religion, and whatever the hell else strikes their fancy. There is absolutely no reason why you should read this blog. None. Seriously. Go hit your back button. It's up in the upper left-hand corner of your browser... it says "Back." Don't say we didn't warn you.

Monday, September 19, 2005

A Social Predicament.

As a dog owner I know a number of people in my neighborhood. One of them is a kindly old lady who I often see if I walk my dog early in the morning. (Note that the "if" is pretty big here since I usually go running in the morning but, every now and then, I walk instead.) She and I have become friends of a sort and understand that when I say "of a sort," I mean that she's oddly fond of me.

I happen to know, for example, that her daughter Nola Gene has a Shitzu named Blossom who is blind in one eye. I know that her other daughter lives in Italy with her husband who is in the U.S. Air Force. I know that her family has lived in this city for more than a century and that she is very fond of the area. I helped her granddaughter, Heidi, get the apartment next to mine and am currently aware of her (Heidi's) problems with credit card debt. Finally, I know that this sweet older lady lives next door to a gaggle of undergrads and was tickled pink when they invited her to come and have a drink at their next party.

I have discussed many topics with this sweet older woman, including the true loving message embedded in the New Testament stories of Jesus, and how many modern religious figures do not seem to understand the core of Jesus' teachings. We share a certain amount of disgust with religious intolerance. I'll grant that she seems to think that I am a Christian, but I'm used to people making that assumption. I dress fairly conservatively, say "please," and "thank you," as well as "Ma'am," and "Sir," so I come across as a clean-cut fellow. In many people's minds, this translates to mean "Christian." I suppose I could have disabused my occasional companion of her assumptions but, hell, she's a nice old lady and she doesn't mean any harm. In any case, she apparently thinks so highly of me that she's remarked that she wishes her granddaughters would meet a nice young man like me.

Yeah, if only she knew.

In any case, I have a little problem here and I need some advice. As much as I like this woman, and as fond of me as she is, I have no earthly idea what her name is. I'm entirely serious. I'm terrible with names and at some point early in our acquaintence I simply forgot her name. Unfortunately for me, she always greets me with a cheerful "Hey, Drek!" so I'm absolutely certain she knows mine. So, I'm left in the delicate position of needing a way to get her to tell me her name again- and preferrably without alerting her to my dreadful memory.

Any ideas?

6 Comments:

Anonymous alan said...

- Steal her mail
- Concoct an elaborate ruse of needing to send her an invitation to a ball
- Ask her granddaughter who lives next door

Monday, September 19, 2005 10:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Beth said...

- Nicely plead with the sainted girlfriend to ask her or the granddaughter who lives next door.

- Do a reverse lookup on her street address to see if she's listed in the phone book.

- Call her a name you know is wrong (say Matilda) and wait for her to correct you. Then tell her your grandma/first girlfriend/favorite aunt was named Matilda and you couldn't help but be confused.

Monday, September 19, 2005 1:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that Beth's last suggestion sounds most promising, although you may be able to talk me into the first option. I'm pretty sure that Alan's first suggestion could garner you some sort of criminal charges, but it's amusing none the less. : ) - D's SGf

Monday, September 19, 2005 2:24:00 PM  
Blogger Slag said...

Drek,

The URL for the reverse phonelookup site that Beth mentioned is http://www.reversephonedirectory.com/ . If her name is in the Drekistan white pages, it'll show up in that site. It'll be a minimally invasive way to find her name. Unless of course the phone isn't registered in her name, in which case you're back to one of the other suggestions. I'd suggest Beth's first suggestion, provided your Sainted Girlfriend is willing.

Hope you find out - she sounds like a nice lady.

Monday, September 19, 2005 8:17:00 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Ask her how she spells her name. Or ask her last name and she just might say her whole name.

I worked with girl scouts this summer, and I often couldn't remember all of their names, so I would always ask if they would spell it for me whenever I was filling out registration paperwork.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005 2:25:00 PM  
Blogger Drek said...

Well, as always, I can count on my community for some useful suggestions. My assessment follows:

Steal her mail.

Nah, I'd prefer not to commit a Federal crime. Besides, I don't like my chances in broad daylight against a retiree. It would be less uncomfortable to just ask her than it would to try to explain why I'm stealing her mail.

Concoct an elaborate ruse of needing to send her an invitation to a ball.

Interesting but, sadly, I'm not presently starring in a romantic comedy.

Ask her granddaughter who lives next door.

Unfortunately Heidi lost her job and moved.

Nicely plead with the sainted girlfriend to ask her or the granddaughter who lives next door.

As a general rule my pleading with the Sainted Girlfriend is always nice, but even the sweetest pleading is frequently powerless to get her out of bed early enough to go with me in the morning. This isn't because my Sainted Girlfriend is a slugabed, so much as because she needs coffee and food pretty much immediately after getting up.

Do a reverse lookup on her street address to see if she's listed in the phone book.

That is a goddamn good idea.

Call her a name you know is wrong (say Matilda) and wait for her to correct you. Then tell her your grandma/first girlfriend/favorite aunt was named Matilda and you couldn't help but be confused.

Not bad, but I think I prefer the reverse lookup.

Ask her how she spells her name. Or ask her last name and she just might say her whole name.

Also an excellent idea.

I'll let y'all know what happens! Thanks for the help!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 9:59:00 AM  

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