Another Total Drek News Brief...
Scientists working at the California Institute of Technology announced yesterday that they have determined how it is that honeybees are capable of flight. This has been a puzzle since the 1930's when French researchers calculated that the flight of the honeybee was aerodynamically impossible.
New research from Michael Dickinson of the California Institute of Technology and his colleagues finally explains how Apis mellifera flies. Unlike other flying insects, honeybees use short wing strokes of less than 90 degrees and a high number of flaps every second to stay aloft. The researchers found that when challenged to fly in difficult conditions, such as a mixture of oxygen and helium that mimicked air density at more than five miles up in the atmosphere, the bees resorted to wider strokes but maintained the same high flapping frequency.
While this revelation is mostly of interest to zoologists, and physicists, it has caused a tremendous uproar in the field of inspirational speaking.
"The honeybee has long been one of our most treasured examples," reports Chip Winklestump, inspirational speaker-for-hire, "I can't tell you how many audiences I've inspired by commenting that, 'According to science the honeybee can't fly but, gosh darn it, those little guys do it anyway. Don't ever let someone tell you what you are and are not capable of,' Now that scientists have been able to show why it is possible for the honeyee to fly, I'm going to have to find a new hackneyed metaphor!"
The main U.S. professional organization for motivational speakers, Special Humans for Inspirational Talk (S.H.I.T.) has, as yet, released no official comment on the study. Inside sources, however, report that they are hard at work developing a next-generation metaphor that involves a squirrel on water skis. Meanwhile, rival organizations are using this as an opportunity to suggest alternatives to the status quo.
Only time will tell if the inspirational speaking sector can recover from this setback, and what economic consequences this will have for the rest of the country.
Unsurprisingly, I made up the quote from Chip Winklestump and there is not organization for public speakers named "S.H.I.T." that I am aware of. If you are named Chip Winklestump... holy fuck, I'm so sorry. The story about the honeybees, though, is entirely real.