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Thursday, July 20, 2006

First of the Wild Cards: Hungry Howie's

In a former life, I would go to the Hungry Howie's next to my high school Fridays before the football games. They had a pizza and coke deal for students and a jukebox that played “Hotel California” so I couldn't resist. After I started driving and didn't have to stay waiting for the game, I stopped going. I don't remember it being particularly great, but when your spending money is saved up lunch money it's pretty good. I haven't had their pizza since then so I was interested in finding out how things had progressed.

The crust was very weak, deflecting a full ninety degrees when held by the edge. It appeared to be fully cooked but there was very little toasting on the bottom. The crust edges were totally inedible. This is the first pizza sample where I simply refused to eat them beyond what was required to grade them. One of my tactics for eating crust, since I don't like to waste food, is to leave a bit of the cheese/sauce area on the crust edge and then take a bite sideways so it's not just crust I'm chewing. Even that wouldn't help. Hungry Howie's does offer free crust flavoring. I guess there's a reason.

The cheese was not oily at all, on par with Pizza Hut's. It was a hard solid mass and there were signs of melted shreds. Coverage was good with some sauce showing near the edges. The ham was not in a recognizable form. It was shredded a la salad and mixed in with the cheese.

As for taste...well, it was definitely pizza. All the ingredients were there. It was only marginally better than the stuff I can microwave at home. It reminded me of the square pizza I used to get in the school lunch tray. I think the school pizza had better cheese though.

If Hungry Howie's is your choice when any of the big three are available you should go see a doctor immediately. Someone has covered your taste buds with shellac and you need to get that fixed. Continuing to patronize this place is a crime against humanity. If that's not the case then see a reproductive specialist. I do not want you passing on your defective genes. I've been known to eat packing peanuts and dog biscuits (yes, on a dare) so please believe me when I tell you it's bad. In fact, I just microwaved a slice of the Pizza Hut stuff – that I didn't particularly like – and it was better than the Hungry Howie's I had last night. It's not any cheaper then the others either. Does the FDA know about this place? Let's hope Little Caesar's fares better.

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