Oh. So THAT'S what he's like.
I mean, seriously, let's consider our options. There's god himself, who is usually depicted as a bearded old guy. Probably not the dude you want in your corner for a showdown with big ugly. Then there are the angels who, more often than not, look like refugees from a Star Trek episode. Is that a problem? Well, leaving aside the fact that I question the judgment of anyone who sleeps with William Shatner, I just don't think I can be kept safe by anything that can be accurately represented in a porcelain figurine. Then there's Jesus who is depicted either as some kinda hippie or as being... you know... otherwise unavailable. Fairly clear he needs to sit this season out. Even when we get to the minor figures it gets shaky. There's Santa Claus, who has the ability to violate basic laws of physics, but probably wouldn't be that tough in a fight.** Even the Easter Bunny seems like kinda a weenie.***
Or, so I thought, until I encountered a recent documentary film outlining what the Easter Bunny really does in his free time:
Now, if I'd known about this shit when I was a kid, maybe I'd still be praising Jesus.
Yeah, probably not, but it's an interesting idea to think about...
See y'all next week!
* Think I'm exaggerating? Heh. You wish. This is not, of course, to say that all Christian churches are like this- I tend to think most aren't- but those that are make up for their infrequency with gusto. I often wonder why the more moderate churches aren't more active in opposing their radical kin. We expect moderate muslims to oppose radical muslims, so why do moderate christians get a free pass?
** Although there are dissenting opinions on this point. Download the clip and see what I mean.
*** Despite his rather exotic sexual tastes.