What's in a name?
Now, it's important to know a few things about this place. The main one is that Blockbuster is a fairly shitty employer. The regulations on employee behavior are extremely strict and, in many ways, almost impossible to adhere to. While there is a very nice free rental policy* the remaining store regulations make Stalin look like a hippie. That said, the next thing you need to know is that my manager** frankly barely cared about store rules and basically let us do whatever as long as customers were served and the work got done. Finally, you need to know that all blockbuster employees are disgruntled. I mean really disgruntled. We virtually came that way, actually, right out of the box. The reasons for this are pretty simple: in any given contact with a customer, the best you can hope for is that nothing goes wrong. If anything deviates from script, however, it will likely provoke an angry response from the customer. Some examples include:
"I don't have a late fee! That's wrong!"
"What do you mean I can't use this coupon that expired six months ago?!"
"Your late fees are absurd! Let me tell you something... [ten minute lecture on a corporate policy I have no control over]"
And so on. Oh, we had our ways of taking revenge. One thing that everyone should know is: do not argue with a videostore monkey when (a) it is a busy Saturday night with a packed store and (b) the argument has to do with the price of the softcore porn you're trying to rent. Trust me when I say this will not work out favorably for you.
In any case, since any deviation from the boring routine meant getting yelled at, all blockbuster employees very rapidly became exceedingly disgruntled. All that said, we still had an amount of fun, and one of our favorite games was trying to convert the names of real movies into their pornographic equivalents. Thus, the classic Goodwill Hunting becomes "Goodwill Humping," Saving Private Ryan becomes "Saving Ryan's Privates," and The Empire Strikes Back becomes "The Empire Strikes Crack."****
Now, some movies actually seemed to have titles that were already perfect for porn. One such film was Snatch.***** Another was the Nick Cage film 8mm, although I confess we didn't want to know what fetish that one would cater to. It is a case like this that inspires my blogging today. Recently I've had the opportunity to watch a television drama presently airing that has a title that is absolutely perfectly suited for use as a porn title. I mean it's just fabulous- you could use the exact same title for porn and it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary. This amused me so much, ex-videomonkey that I am, that I wanted to share it with all of y'all. However, it would be too easy just to tell you.
So, instead, I'm having a contest: guess what show I'm referring to. The person who gets it right is entitled to one free post by me on a subject of your choosing. I've done this before with reasonably good results, so your prize should be at least mildly entertaining. You have until Monday the 16th of October when I will reveal the answer.
Good luck, and have fun!
* If I recall correctly, you could rent three movies a week for free. You could not, however, use this for new releases unless the movies had arrived, but not been placed on the shelves.
** Which is to say, the guy who was manager when I was hired. He left partway through and our new manager was a man*** recently promoted to manager by corporate who, consequently, tried to enforce the rules more stringently. This proved rather challenging for him.
*** Actually, for those who are interested, the new male manager had previously been the female assistant manager of a different local store. My then-girlfriend had known him when he was a she. Nice guy.
**** Yes, we were very bored. Oh, so very, very bored.
***** Seriously, people, that is the last time I ever type "snatch" into google images. There is some scary shit on those there interwebs.