Total Drek

Or, the thoughts of several frustrated intellectuals on Sociology, Gaming, Science, Politics, Science Fiction, Religion, and whatever the hell else strikes their fancy. There is absolutely no reason why you should read this blog. None. Seriously. Go hit your back button. It's up in the upper left-hand corner of your browser... it says "Back." Don't say we didn't warn you.

Friday, October 13, 2006

What's in a name?

Back in college I needed to work to earn some money and so, like many of my fellow students, I held down a part-time job. Now, I didn't have one of those jobs that you might expect of a young intellectual. I didn't take a job at a coffee shop, or a book store, or shelving texts in the library. No, I obtained "gainful" employment at my local Blockbuster Video.

Now, it's important to know a few things about this place. The main one is that Blockbuster is a fairly shitty employer. The regulations on employee behavior are extremely strict and, in many ways, almost impossible to adhere to. While there is a very nice free rental policy* the remaining store regulations make Stalin look like a hippie. That said, the next thing you need to know is that my manager** frankly barely cared about store rules and basically let us do whatever as long as customers were served and the work got done. Finally, you need to know that all blockbuster employees are disgruntled. I mean really disgruntled. We virtually came that way, actually, right out of the box. The reasons for this are pretty simple: in any given contact with a customer, the best you can hope for is that nothing goes wrong. If anything deviates from script, however, it will likely provoke an angry response from the customer. Some examples include:

"I don't have a late fee! That's wrong!"

"What do you mean I can't use this coupon that expired six months ago?!"

"Your late fees are absurd! Let me tell you something... [ten minute lecture on a corporate policy I have no control over]"

And so on. Oh, we had our ways of taking revenge. One thing that everyone should know is: do not argue with a videostore monkey when (a) it is a busy Saturday night with a packed store and (b) the argument has to do with the price of the softcore porn you're trying to rent. Trust me when I say this will not work out favorably for you.

In any case, since any deviation from the boring routine meant getting yelled at, all blockbuster employees very rapidly became exceedingly disgruntled. All that said, we still had an amount of fun, and one of our favorite games was trying to convert the names of real movies into their pornographic equivalents. Thus, the classic Goodwill Hunting becomes "Goodwill Humping," Saving Private Ryan becomes "Saving Ryan's Privates," and The Empire Strikes Back becomes "The Empire Strikes Crack."****

Now, some movies actually seemed to have titles that were already perfect for porn. One such film was Snatch.***** Another was the Nick Cage film 8mm, although I confess we didn't want to know what fetish that one would cater to. It is a case like this that inspires my blogging today. Recently I've had the opportunity to watch a television drama presently airing that has a title that is absolutely perfectly suited for use as a porn title. I mean it's just fabulous- you could use the exact same title for porn and it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary. This amused me so much, ex-videomonkey that I am, that I wanted to share it with all of y'all. However, it would be too easy just to tell you.

So, instead, I'm having a contest: guess what show I'm referring to. The person who gets it right is entitled to one free post by me on a subject of your choosing. I've done this before with reasonably good results, so your prize should be at least mildly entertaining. You have until Monday the 16th of October when I will reveal the answer.

Good luck, and have fun!

* If I recall correctly, you could rent three movies a week for free. You could not, however, use this for new releases unless the movies had arrived, but not been placed on the shelves.

** Which is to say, the guy who was manager when I was hired. He left partway through and our new manager was a man*** recently promoted to manager by corporate who, consequently, tried to enforce the rules more stringently. This proved rather challenging for him.

*** Actually, for those who are interested, the new male manager had previously been the female assistant manager of a different local store. My then-girlfriend had known him when he was a she. Nice guy.

**** Yes, we were very bored. Oh, so very, very bored.

***** Seriously, people, that is the last time I ever type "snatch" into google images. There is some scary shit on those there interwebs.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could it be CBS's new drama, The Unit?

Or am I so out of it that I don't even know a good porn name when I see it?

Were we supposed to post it here?

Friday, October 13, 2006 4:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Speaking of fall dramas... I wish Stanley Milgram was still alive so he could do a guest spot on Six Degrees. It's so sad that most people who watch that show will think of Kevin Bacon and not the wonders of social science.

Friday, October 13, 2006 4:40:00 PM  
Blogger Drek said...

Yes, absolutely, post the guesses here.

And I know what you mean about Milgram. I personally wonder how many people think of Duncan Watts with that, rather than Kevin Bacon.

Good thing the physicists invented network analysis, eh?

Friday, October 13, 2006 4:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alright, I'll take a shot at this.

First, I was thinking of "Two and a Half Men"--the options here are endless really, especially when you start thinking along the lines of fetishes.

Second, how about "Deadwood"? Not quite sure what the premise (I avoided using the word plot for obvious reasons) would be, but there's gotta be something out there for everyone.

Or even better, how about "Grey's Anatomy"? Wide open for the imagining there as well.

Alright, that's enought from me.

Another Sociologist

Friday, October 13, 2006 5:02:00 PM  
Anonymous Susan said...

Helllooo? "Desperate Housewives"... I remember when it came out, I was like, Man, this show BETTER involve lonely women and vaccum salesmen.

I'm still waiting for the vaccum salesman episode.

I guess "Sex in the City" would have been a decent guess, but I could never get past how unattractive those chicks were. My husband and I agree with Peter Griffen of Family Guy that SJP looks like a foot, and that one bag is like, what? 55? So we call it: Two Whores, A Foot and Their Mom.

I never said I worked in PR.

Friday, October 13, 2006 5:13:00 PM  
Blogger plain(s)feminist said...

I think I am hopelessly stupid at this. I'm going to guess "Big Love." And if that isn't the answer, well, darn it, it should be.

Or "Sexual Healing" or "Stacked," but those aren't dramas, I don't think?

Friday, October 13, 2006 7:18:00 PM  
Blogger Slag said...

Bones?

I know I'm ineligible for the contest and am perfectly qualified to write my own damn posts, but I can't resist putting in such a fun guess.

Saturday, October 14, 2006 8:02:00 PM  

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