Ha. Ha-ha-ha! Heh. Heh heh! HAAAA!!!! HEEE HOOO!!!
In order to express just how incredibly on edge I am, allow me to share the following with you:
Three nights ago I dreamt that a large number of snakes had gotten loose in my apartment. Big venomous ones. At one point I dreamt that I was on my stomach confronting a King Cobra and played dead so that it wouldn't bite me. It then crawled all over my head and body. I eventually grabbed it behind the head, only to have it turn to rubber, stretch, and bite my face. At this point I woke up, awakened by Sainted Fiancee, and informed her, "Honey, if we're ever fighting a bunch of snakes and I ask you for a goddamned broom just fucking give it to me!" The fact that she took this pronouncement so well is the best explanation I can give as to why she is my Sainted Fiancee.
Two nights ago I dreamt that I was getting ready to go on a trip and a black suitcase beneath my bed began barking and moving out from under the bed. It was joined by a second brown satchel bag* that exhibited the same behavior, save with a higher pitch. They both then metamorphosed into, respectively, a Rottweiler and a Pomeranian. Each had a zipper running down their stomach that, when opened, revealed the inside of a suitcase. I brought the pomeranian to show my mother, who for some reason was in my house, and she remarked calmly that it was simply a "canine valise."
Last night I dreamt that I had encountered a pair of intelligent, talking geckos of unusual size.** Geckos who were in love. One of whom had fought in World War II. As a fighter pilot. In the Pacific Theatre. Ultimately, believe it or not, I decided to prevent them from being reunited out of concern that they would breed an entire race of super-intelligent self-adhesive reptiles that would then challenge mankind for domination of the Earth.
My point in sharing all this is quite simple: I am going absolutely bugfuck insane, and will be back with you when I'm in a better frame of mind.
See you next week.
Or maybe Friday.
But probably next week.
I'll say hello for you to the trout superhero or whatever the crap I dream about tonight, though.
* I feel I should note that I have never owned a bag that even remotely resembles this.
** Not huge, mind you, just about the size of an iguana. Which is pretty damned big for a gecko, you know?