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Monday, February 05, 2007

Republicans love Cock

There are many things that I've learned in my life. I've learned to speak, to read, to drive and, thanks to the coaching of my father, a few vital life lessons.* Yet, a fundamental insight has only recently come to my attention: Republicans are really and truly obsessed with sex.

Why is it that I make such a claim? Well, leaving aside the possible proclivities of Bill O'Reilly and the Republican obsession with punishing women for having sex,** there are recurring themes in political cartoons.

Using the "fabulous" cartoons at Attack Cartoons as an example, let's take a look at some truly excellent commentary.

First up, we have the confusingly inappropriate:



Ah, yes. Liberals are indeed weirdly attracted to the idea of being anally violated. Ha! You've really caputed us there! The purpose of Brokeback Mountain was, indeed, to sexually titillate us as opposed to highlight a serious social ill. Well-played. And, of course, watching a pair of consenting homosexuals is exactly the same as a graphic depiction of rape. I can see that rightwing attitudes towards homosexuality are really coming along!

Then, we have the effectively non-sensical:



Right... what does this mean? We know that Bill Clinton has sex- somthing we're only vaguely sure of with Dubya or his father- but what does that have to do with Osama bin Laden? In perfect honesty, I think I have another candidate in mind who has at least been on a first-date in the middle east. It looks like it went well too! It's as though the cartoonist thought, "Hmmmmm. What's bad? Oooh! Bill Clinton! And sex! But how to link them.... I've got it! Osama bin Laden! Genius!"

Yes, indeed. "Genius."

And then, of course, we come to the cartoons that are merely insulting to our intelligence:



Ah, yes. Bill Clinton "raping" liberty and then turning the job over to his wife. Sadly, the title to this comic actually is "Sloppy Seconds." Nice and tasteful to be sure. Once more, we have Clinton being defined by his penis, except now it's violating America. And this is where I really have to draw the line. We have a sitting president who has trampled the bill of rights, who has invaded countries on virtually non-existent pretext, in the process squandering American lives and treasure while furthering the risk of terrorism. He has ignored global warming, rammed religiously motivated policies into the government, and attempted to stifle dissent. And yet, after all this, it is Clinton who has "raped" the country?

I suppose all one can really say is that when the only issues left to a party are the sexual habits of the opposition, that party is well and truly intellectually bankrupt.


* Mainly, "Never piss into the wind." My dad is a seemingly inexhaustible font of earthy wisdom.

** Ironic since Republicans weren't exactly wild about letting women out of the home in the first place, and have since helped perpetuate the idea that professional women must also be sex kittens.***

*** This is not to say I actually find Coulter attractive. Personally, I think she's pretty terrifying but that has little to do with aesthetics.

As always, all comics will be removed at the request of the cartoonist.

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