Woulda come in handy a few years ago...
One of the things that was worst about this job were the meetings. Endless, interminable meetings with the same damned people. They would start in the morning and, for all intents and purposes, continue at regular intervals throughout the day. There was always a stated reason for these meetings but, in fact, my officemate and I understood the truth of things: we usually held meetings outside and the boss wasn't permitted to smoke indoors. You do the math. Often I would get a notification of an upcoming meeting and feel this undeniable sinking feeling. A sense of impending, unavoidable doom. I would have given almost anything to avoid these meetings and occasionally debated with my officemate whether suicide was a better option. Our answers varied according to day. It goes without saying that I always managed to cling, somehow, to my will to live.
Well, now thanks to the power of the internet, you can have your cake and eat it too. Or, more accurately, keep your life, but cathartically commit suicide as well. I give you the flash game Five Minutes to Kill (yourself) in which you must do yourself in, using only items found in your office, within 5 minutes or face the wrath of a meeting:
Following a brief introduction...
The action begins. You must navigate your office, using your coworkers and common items to gradually inflict sufficient damage to end your life. Some of the methods are quite fascinating, too. I think my favorite is putting a giant pinata on my head, thus luring coworkers into beating me with bats.
Why my coworkers are carrying bats in their pockets is something I'll decline to speculate on.
In any case, it's a fun little game, it's a bit cathartic, and it's worth a look.
* Not kidding. Not even a little.
** Meaning that they don't have the same oomph when I make them non-specific enough to recount on a blog.