Total Drek

Or, the thoughts of several frustrated intellectuals on Sociology, Gaming, Science, Politics, Science Fiction, Religion, and whatever the hell else strikes their fancy. There is absolutely no reason why you should read this blog. None. Seriously. Go hit your back button. It's up in the upper left-hand corner of your browser... it says "Back." Don't say we didn't warn you.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Final Exam FAQ

In honor of the impending start of final exams, please enjoy this Frequently Asked Question list. If you're not planning on taking a final exam, you're excused for the day.

Q: Is there a final exam in this class?

A: Yes.

Q: Why?

A: Because I think it useful to test how much you've learned over the semester.

Q: I'm not sure I remember the stuff from the beginning of the semester.

A: Hence the need for a final.

Q: Is the final exam cumulative?

A: What does it say in the syllabus?

Q: I lost my syllabus.

A: It says in the syllabus that the final is cumulative.

Q: There were, like, a million books for this class-

A: There was one textbook, a chapter from a second textbook, and a smattering of additional handouts. The textbook isn't even that long! You could polish it off in a week if you wanted to.

Q: -and there are a lot of major concepts-

A: Are you kidding? I held it down to about ten or so this semester with related details.

Q: -so could you, like, limit the things that can be on the final? And then tell us what those things are?

A: You mean make the cumulative final non-cumulative?

Q: Yes.

A: No. I don't know how to make a non-cumulative cumulative final.

Q: But it's going to be hard!

A: That's the point.

Q: You're mean!

A: Yes.

Q: Can you tell us the answers?

A: No.

Q: Why not?

A: It would defeat the purpose of the test.

Q: So?

A: Just... no.

Q: Is it open-book?

A: No, but you can bring in the note-sheet we discussed if you like.

Q: Why can't we just use all of our notes?

A: Because I hate all life.

Q: Really?

A: No. Actually, it's because I firmly believe that you can commit useful information to memory and, thus, only need notes for the really technical details.

Q: I think you're wrong.

A: And I think it's a shame that I have more faith in your abilities than you do, but that's a side issue.

Q: I've had a very difficult semester-

A: I'm sorry! It's been a rough semester for me too.

Q: -so do you think that I could just... not take the final?

A: ...

Q: And you'll just give me the grade I have now?

A: No.

Q: But you're letting other people do that!

A: They have A's. I'm allowing people with A's in the class to skip the final. You don't have an A.

Q: That's not fair!

A: Neither is American Idol but it's still a popular show.

Q: Why don't you just give us all A's and let us go home.

A: Truthfully? I don't even know anymore.

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4 Comments:

Blogger plain(s)feminist said...

...and truthfully, neither do I. It would certainly make my life much easier.

At least your students ask, "is this cumulative?" Mine would ask, "is this going to be on all the stuff we did this semester?" Which is ok, too, just, y'know...the big words thing.

Saturday, May 05, 2007 2:44:00 PM  
Blogger Tom Volscho said...

I am thinking of taking money for A's. A lot of rich kids at my university (parking lot full of BMWs, SUVs, etc.). Their parents hold out their hands and place sweaty wads of cash in them. Now, I think I may have a plan to get some of that cash and pay back my loans.

Sunday, May 06, 2007 7:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is allowing students with high marks to skip exams normal US practice? Seems like an odd idea, certainly not something I ever encountered at my time at uni (.au)

Sunday, May 06, 2007 4:53:00 PM  
Blogger Drek said...

Standard practice? Not that I'm aware of. This is the first time I've ever tried it and I regard it as a sort of experiment.

Sunday, May 06, 2007 10:02:00 PM  

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