Total Drek

Or, the thoughts of several frustrated intellectuals on Sociology, Gaming, Science, Politics, Science Fiction, Religion, and whatever the hell else strikes their fancy. There is absolutely no reason why you should read this blog. None. Seriously. Go hit your back button. It's up in the upper left-hand corner of your browser... it says "Back." Don't say we didn't warn you.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Accurate predictions...

With the impending release of "Harry Potter and the Money Factory Deathly Hallows" a lot of people are throwing predictions around. This is a problem for those of us who would like to be surprised be the events of the novel. Jeremy Freese has even gone so far as to threaten grievous bodily injury to anyone who goes beyond predictions to confirming our hopes and fears with reference to the actual text. Speaking personally, I am trying to be tranquil about the whole thing- I figure the less of an issue I make of it, the less likely some asshole is to blow the ending for me out of spite. Then again, maybe that's just my version of fatalism kicking in? Eh, either way, I digress...

Predictions are being thrown around and, of course, most of them will prove to be incorrect. Harry may be a horcrux*, but there's no guarantee of that. Luna Lovegood may, indeed, be a Death Eater but probably not. Ginny Weasley may be carrying Harry's child but I doubt that Rowling would go for that. And, in an effort to not ignore the slash fanfic community,** I suppose there's an outside chance that Harry, Ron, and Malfoy may have a gay threesome.

Needless to say, most of these predictions are utter crap and the only way to appropriately honor them is by referring all of you to another set of craptacular predications. Specifically, I refer you to this article that was sent to me, in turn, by my Former Hypothetical Roommate. It (the article) purports to determine your romantic compatibility with another solely by reference to the type of pizza you like. And, since one good turn deserves another, one bad prediction must also demand another bad prediction. So, as you prepare for the next Harry Potter book, please enjoy this equally-valuable set of suggested outcomes:

If your date orders one meat topping…
People who order just pepperoni or sausage on their pie are generally irritable, prone to procrastination, and they often “forget” obligations (like that weekend getaway he or she promised to take with you in the spring).
Compatible with: others who prefer one meat topping

If your date orders multiple meat toppings…
Real meat lovers who pile on the pepperoni, sausage, and ham tend to be dramatic, seductive, sweep-you-off-your-feet extroverts who thrive as the center of attention.
Compatible with: people who prefer one meat topping

If your date orders one veggie topping…
Those who prefer one vegetable topping are empathetic, easygoing romantics.
Compatible with: everybody!

If your date orders multiple veggies…
These dates are trustworthy, loyal, humble, and avoid the spotlight. In fact, they’re so quiet and conflict-averse they tend to be taken for granted in relationships.
Compatible with: people who prefer non-traditional toppings

If your date orders multiple veggies and meats...
Then Hermione dies, Ron becomes an alcoholic, Harry transforms into a giant worm with an infinite understanding of spacetime, and Ginny shaves herself bald*** and starts building a gom jabar.


Remember, you heard it here first.


* The following are really the most pointless links in the history of this blog since, if you're reading this, the probability that you don't know who I'm talking about already is vanishingly small.

** This is, of course, a large deviation from my standard operating procedure in which I go to great lengths to ignore the slash fanfic community.

*** Her HEAD you perverts, her HEAD. UGH!

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2 Comments:

Blogger TDEC said...

You know, I started off thinking that the Harry-is-a-horcrux theory was a bonkers, but after too many Mugglecasts, I'm not so sure.

I am fascinated by the prediction that the more veggies, the better the person. Are vegetarians better people? Ehm. Well, it beats horoscopes for entertainment value...

Friday, July 20, 2007 11:03:00 AM  
Blogger Drek said...

I suspect it means that the "study" is of poor quality, but that's just me.

Friday, July 20, 2007 11:22:00 AM  

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