From the Total Drek news desk...
Chennai, India- Hoping to lift a 15 year old curse, farmer Selvakumar married a bitch this past Wednesday. The curse, a paralysis of Selvakumar's powers of speech and movement, reportedly began after the farmer stoned two dogs to death while they were mating in his rice fields. Some American commentators have referred to this as, "the ultimate cock-block." Under stern instructions from his astrologer, Selvakumar married a dog, Selvi, in order to demonstrate his deep remorse for his actions. The ceremony was a traditional Hindu affair and saw the bride appearing in an attractive sari.
The family of the bride could not be reached for comment, but animal afficionados who declined to be named reportedly observed, "If I were Selvi, I don't think I'd want to be married to some guy that stoned two of my fellow dogs to death. It's like marrying a convicted child abuser to a ten year old!" NAMBLA could not be reached for comment.
Conservative sources, who also declined to be named, remarked, "This is why we've been supporting the Defense of Marriage Act! It just starts with the gay agenda! The way that liberal bias works, it won't stop until people are marrying animals and animals are driving cars... like in Huckleberry Hound, but not as cute! This is all the fault of the Atheists. If people in India believed in God, this never would have happened." Nobody from the vast homosexual conspiracy could be located for comment as no vast homosexual conspiracy appears to exist. One of the approximately one billion Hindus on Earth was available for comment and suggested, "Our religion has been around for more than two millenia longer than yours. We've got more belief in Gods than you can shake a stick at!"
Internet pundit and all-around asshole, Drek the Uninteresting, responded to the story by posting a lame fake news report, and observing that he doesn't care in the least who Selvakumar marries. "As long as he treats her well and they're both consenting adults," Drek observed, "It's fine by me."
All sources mentioned in this article are entirely fictional. That includes me. I have no particular disrespect for Hindus- seriously, reincarnation is awesome- so please don't e-mail me about being intolerant.
As a side note: Conservapedia links not provided to actually inform anyone.