The jokes, they just write themselves.
Pope Benedict XVI has launched a surprise attack on climate change prophets of doom, warning them that any solutions to global warming must be based on firm evidence and not on dubious ideology.
The leader of more than a billion Roman Catholics suggested that fears over man-made emissions melting the ice caps and causing a wave of unprecedented disasters were nothing more than scare-mongering.
The German-born Pontiff said that while some concerns may be valid it was vital that the international community based its policies on science rather than the dogma of the environmentalist movement.
Most of you can probably see this coming but, because my self-control is limited at best, I'm forced to make just a few comments here.
(1) Am I really seeing a warning against dubious ideology from a guy who believes that he is god's direct mouthpiece on Earth? The same guy who asserts that god is a father, that father's son, and an insubstantial spirit simultaneously? Oh, and there's that deal about a little wine and a tiny dry cracker magically turning into the blood and flesh of a man who died at least two thousand years ago?* See, there's this pot, and there's this kettle, and one turns to the other and says, "Yo, you are so black!"
(2) He's criticizing scare mongering? Doesn't the Catholic church claim that failure to follow their teachings and obey their authorities will result in eternal, unending torment? You know... something about a lake of fire? Wasn't excommunication a pretty serious matter in Europe for a span of several centuries and, likewise, remains a pretty heavy-duty stick for tending the flock in the modern age? I guess he's sure in a position to recognize scare-mongering, but criticize it? Not so much.
(3) I'm really happy to hear that the Pope wants policy to be based on science rather than on dogma. I'm sure that Galileo Galilei would agree. Hell, Galileo strongly advocated heliocentrism and was only dubbed heretical for something like three hundred and fifty years.** In other words, by the time they apologized to Galileo we had already sent probes to other planets, pretty much laying the whole geocentrism controvery to rest.*** This explains the origin of the saying, "When it comes to science, never bet against the Catholic church."
I'm just sayin, is all...
* Three cheers for ritual cannibalism!
** It could rightly be asked how long the Catholic church will have to take shit for its boneheaded support for geocentrism. Oh, I don't know, how about 350 years? Sounds fair to me. So, if we start the clock from when John Paul II apologized for the whole Galileo thing, we'll have to retire the geocentrism jokes in about 2342.
*** Okay, well, not completely.