Left Behind: The Future!
Now, the ongoing series on Left Behind has proven to be fairly popular. I'm happy about that because the only thing worse than spending this much time writing about such a crappy book would be writing about it for no one's benefit but my own. And I don't think I'd find such an experience at all beneficial. I think it's reasonable to try and continue the fun into the future, which would normally suggest- as Mister Troll noted, and as some of you have previously implied- that at the conclusion of Left Behind I should move on to the sequel,* and then the sequel to that, and the sequel to that, and so forth until the heat death of the universe. This would be a perfectly fine plan, except for two things of which I think you should be aware:
(1) If I have to read another Left Behind book, I think I might turn suicidal.
The thing that you need to keep in mind is that writing this series on Left Behind has effectively required that I give it a close reading twice. The first reading I went through and penned detailed notes in the margin, in part so that I could locate the stoopid again at need. The second reading was necessitated both by my dawning awareness of the epic scale of the stoopid as well as the need to transcribe various lines. I have become, in effect, a Left Behind scholar. I know this book really, really well and that sucks because it is a really, really awful book. Basically what I'm saying is that doing this series is not unlike trying to produce a shot-by-shot remake of Plan 9 from Outer Space.** And so, in perfect honesty, the idea of going on to Book 2 fills me with shapeless dread.
(2) If I have to read another Left Behind book, my wife might kill me.
Most of you have never met my wife, so you don't know that she is a lovely, generous and gentle soul. Of the two of us, she is most often inclined to argue that I should give people more credit or more sympathy. That said, throughout this series she has had to listen to my frequent bitching and moaning about the horror. Indeed, in a way I think she's gone through the five stages of grief with me and this book. Eventually she reached a degree of acceptance that I was running this series and that she just had to wait it out. The thing is, she's pretty much told me that if I try to proceed into the next book, she's going to hurt me. And you know what? I think she's goddamn serious about it. And even if she weren't, the good opinion of my wife is a lot more important to me than what y'all think.
So, where does that leave us? Well, we're going to take a vote of sorts in the comments to determine how Total Drek will proceed in the future. Here are your options:
Option 1: Drek will return to his roots and reboot the old, classic series "Turner Tuesdays" where I attempted to get through the white supremacist magnum opus known as the Turner Diaries. The last episode was a long time ago, so I think I'll have to start over again from the beginning, but this idea at least has the virtue that there's an electronic copy available, so I won't be wasting my life with transcription.
Option 2: Drek can start a new series dissecting another fiction book we decide upon. One suggestion I might offer would be The Overton Window, the new "thriller" by Glenn Beck. This approach has the advantage of allowing me to cross-train with the horror of other bad writers, rather than restricting my diet to just the bad writing of one small set of people. The disadvantage here is that I do not own a copy of Beck's book, and probably don't own a copy of some other Awful Book y'all might want, and won't spend my own money just to have the privilege of dissecting it for you. So, basically, either we take up a collection, or somebody gets me a copy of the next Awful Book you want me to read, via my network of nefarious intermediaries.
Option 3: Damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead! You want Drek to move on to the next Left Behind book. As I outlined above, this makes me want to cry. BUT if you can somehow talk my wife into it- and get me a copy because, as with Option 2, I'm sure as hell not buying one- I might be persuaded. I think this is gonna be a tough sell, though, and while my wife is sweet she is decidedly NOT a pushover.
Option 4: We're tired of the book-bitching. Drek goes back to not dissecting a book over the span of a year.
And there you go. Four options, an opportunity to argue, and a chance to decide the future of Total Drek and the fate of my dwindling sanity.
Have fun, and I look forward to your decision.
* I like to think of it as "Left Behind 2: Electric Boogaloo" but, sadly, the actual name is much less amusing.
** Yes, I've seen it, and yes, it's every bit as bad as you think and probably worse besides.
Labels: Left Behind