"I dunno, how witchy is she?"
Correction: She says she's not a witch. [emphasis original]
And, indeed, how do we know that she isn't really a witch and is just lying to us? We might ask the same question of President Obama- how do we know that he isn't a secret Muslim?** I mean, I've been to Conservapedia and seen their evidence and, I have to tell you, it's pretty compelling:***
Or, to quote part of this absurdly long "argument":
More than a year and a half into Obama's presidency, a poll conducted by the Pew Research Center found a growing number of Americans believe the president is a Muslim. The poll found only about one-third of adults (34%) believe Obama is a Christian, down sharply from 48% in 2009. Among Democrats, 46% said they think Obama is a Christian, down from 55% in March 2009. The evidence that Obama is a Muslim may include:
Obama declared in prepared remarks, "The United States has been enriched by Muslim Americans. Many other Americans have Muslims in their families or have lived in a Muslim-majority country - I know, because I am one of them."
Obama's wife Michelle does not accompany him to Muslim nations because Sharia law would apply to her there; on a presidential trip she was with him until France, but then returned home.
Obama's background, education, and outlook are Muslim, and fewer than 1% of Muslims convert to Christianity.
Obama's middle name (Hussein) references Husayn, who was the grandson of Muhammad, which most Christians would not retain.
Obama mentioned his religion as "my Muslim faith."
He has said that "Islam can be compatible with the modern world."
Obama said the Muslim call to prayer is "one of the prettiest sounds on Earth at sunset," and recited "with a first-class Arabic accent" the opening lines: Allah is Supreme! ... I witness that there is no god but Allah ...."
Obama stated that the autobiography of Malcolm X, a Nation of Islam leader who became a Muslim, inspired him in his youth.
Obama raised nearly $1 million and campaigned for a Kenyan presidential candidate who had a written agreement with Muslim leaders promising to convert Kenya to an Islamic state that bans Christianity.
Obama's claims of conversion to Christianity arose after he became politically ambitious, lacking a date of conversion or baptism.
In the book Obama,"Renegade" his friends say that "he actually really wasn't much of a churchgoer."
On the campaign trail, Obama was reading "The Post-American World" by Fareed Zakaria, which is written from a Muslim point-of-view.
Contrary to Christianity, the Islamic doctrine of taqiyya encourages adherents to deny they are Muslim if it advances the cause of Islam.
Obama uses the Muslim Pakistani pronunciation for "Pakistan" rather than the common American one.
Obama was thoroughly exposed to Christianity as an adult in Chicago prior to attending law school, yet no one at law school saw him display any interest in converting. Obama unabashedly explained how he became "churched" in a 2007 speech: "It's around that time [while working as an organizer for the Developing Communities Project (DCP) of the Calumet Community Religious Conference (CCRC) in Chicago] that some pastors I was working with came around and asked if I was a member of a church. 'If you're organizing churches,' they said, 'it might be helpful if you went to a church once in a while.' And I thought, 'I guess that makes sense.'" [emphasis added- there was emphasis in the original, by the way, but I was too lazy to reproduce it]
You can read the rest on your own if you like, but I trust my meaning is clear: if we can't even be sure that the President isn't a secret Muslim,**** despite his repeated statements to the contrary, how can we believe that O'Donnell really isn't a witch? I suppose we could try judging her competence to lead based on her actions and her stated intentions, rather than some idiotic label, but clearly that's just crazy. Besides, the well-known and shocking deficit of true Scotsmen makes me think that judging her witchiness based on actions is just never going to work. I could go off at this point on a long discussion of how we pretty much have to take people at their word when it comes to their religious affiliation and what-not, but frankly I just don't feel like tilting at that particular windmill. So, instead, please just enjoy this handy guide to identifying witches:
It's really nice to see how public debate in this country has been taking great strides backwards lately. Just bring a tear to my eye.
* Note, however, that she does not deny being a werewolf. I smell a cover-up, and believe that the citizens of Delaware deserve to be represented by someone who does not once a month transform into a monster that slavers for human flesh.
** I think we can safely assume, however, that Obama is not half-human half-fabric (i.e. a werecloth), no matter what some people think.
*** That is, if you've recently suffered severe head trauma.