Total Drek

Or, the thoughts of several frustrated intellectuals on Sociology, Gaming, Science, Politics, Science Fiction, Religion, and whatever the hell else strikes their fancy. There is absolutely no reason why you should read this blog. None. Seriously. Go hit your back button. It's up in the upper left-hand corner of your browser... it says "Back." Don't say we didn't warn you.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

We missed the boat on that one.

A while back, you may recall, I wrote a post dealing with one of life's most important questions: what to do in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Indeed, this is a question that has kept me up many a night and I thought other folks might be similarly interested. As it turns out... not so much. Although we did have one person arguing in favor of zombie rights. I took this to mean that other people just didn't care about zombies.

Well, as it happens, I was wrong, or so I judge based on this book penned by Max Brooks:

Indeed, when I came upon a copy in Borders I almost wet myself with sheer, unadulterated glee. And, you know, I'd had a really big coffee about an hour earlier. In any case, this little 255 page masterpiece includes everything you ever wanted to know about surviving a zombie outbreak, including elements of zombie physiology, proper weaponry and supplies, and historical accounts of zombie outbreaks. (In some cases the zombies are entirely too terrifying with their outstretched hands, groping for warm human flesh.) It's quite remarkable how many of my and my fellows' amateur conclusions about zombies are supported by Brooks' scholarship. It's also remarkable the detail about zombies that Brooks provides. Take this passage on zombie reproduction from pages 12 and 13 as an example:

Zombies are sterile creatures. Their sexual organs are necrotic and impotent. Attempts have been made to fertilize zombie eggs with human sperm and vice versa. None has been successful. The undead have also shown no signs of sexual desire, either for their own species or for the living. Until research can prove otherwise, humanity's greatest fear- the dead reproducing the dead- is a comforting impossibility.

Additionally, he provides some of the handiest tips for surviving zombies I've ever seen:

1: Organize before they rise!

2: They feel no fear, why should you?

3: Use your head: cut off theirs.

4: Blades don't need reloading.

5: Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.

6: Get up the staircase, then destroy it.

7: Get out of the car, get onto the bike.

8: Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!

9: No place is safe, only safer.

10: The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

So, if you're secretly worried about zombie outbreaks, but don't know where to turn, you now have a resource. Read it, live it, love it, and survive the horror of the walking dead. Outbreaks may be more likely than you think.

Or, failing that, take a look anyway, because it's funny as hell.


Blogger Brayden said...

Thanks for the book reading tip Drek. This post really made me want to watch Shaun of the Dead again.

Friday, October 28, 2005 8:06:00 AM  
Blogger William said...

Great blog you have here I will deffinitely be back, I have a website that is about restoring wooden boats : complete wooden boat restoration guide

Friday, January 06, 2006 8:59:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Site Meter