Total Drek

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Friday, January 20, 2006

Jesus may be lord, but you're an idiot.

My campus, like many others in the United States, frequently plays host to religious organizations that seek to convert our students. Often these recruiting forays are undertaken by the Campus Crusade for Christ, an organization that is as cuddly and lovable as the average Candiru.

Recently, however, we have been playing host to a few gentlemen who are just as nutty as certain other individuals and groups while possessing not a bit of their dignity. These folks have been setting up camp with large placards that, after urging us to "Trust Jesus," and reminding us that Jesus is the only way to heaven, provides us with a listing of the various sorts of people who will be "judged" (presumably harshly) by god. These include, but are not limited to: lewd women, pot smoking little devils, anarchists, rebellious women, Atheists (Thanks for the shout-out, fellas), and those who follow false religions. So, you know, these guys are charmers.

Listed among their set of folks in the HOV lane to hell, however, are "Dikes on Bikes." This generates in me the need to say the following:

This is a bike:

It's used for transportation.

This is a Dike:

It's used to hold back water, and is also known as a

As you might guess, it's rather difficult to get a dike on a bike. However, if you really want to see it, I suggest you turn your monitor upsidedown and then look at this:

Needless to say, the above is a bike on a dike.

On the other hand, I suspect you meant "dyke," which is a slang, and not altogether polite, term for a female homosexual.

These are dykes:

And these are dykes, on a bike:

They seem to be having a good time.

So what's the moral of this story? What message am I trying to send to the placard-waving yahoos? Simply this:

Dikes are good, spelling matters, and you're stupid.

Thank you.

For the obsessive in the crowd, I am aware that, in one of the vagaries of the English language, a levee can be referred to as either a "dike" or a "dyke." So don't write in and tell me or I'll just tell you that, if I'm not mistaken, it can be transliterated into Dutch with a spelling of "Dijk." My point is that while the term "dyke" can also be used for a levee, female homosexuals are exlusively referred to using the spelling including a "y." Unless the placard-wavers really hate flood control, I'm fairly sure they spelled it wrong in this instance.


Blogger Erin said...

nice. this is classic, drek. now i can see how you were a stand up comic, right?

Friday, January 20, 2006 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger Brayden said...

Best. Post. Ever.

Well, I also liked that one about the pope and baby jesus.

Friday, January 20, 2006 12:26:00 PM  
Blogger Jordan Raddick said...

You are correct about the Dutch transliteration: it is "dijk." The ij is considered one vowel sound, and the word sounds something like "dayk," but with a slightly longer vowel sound.

The word is Dutch in origin, referring to the flood walls that keep Amsterdam and other cities from flooding. Most of the Dutch population lives below sea level, and relies on dikes to hold the water back.

Total Drek, your complete source for educational education since 2004!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006 11:48:00 PM  

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