Total Drek

Or, the thoughts of several frustrated intellectuals on Sociology, Gaming, Science, Politics, Science Fiction, Religion, and whatever the hell else strikes their fancy. There is absolutely no reason why you should read this blog. None. Seriously. Go hit your back button. It's up in the upper left-hand corner of your browser... it says "Back." Don't say we didn't warn you.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

A judicious use of telepathy...

Most people don't know this, but I'm actually gifted with the arcane art of telepathy. That's right: I can often read the thoughts of those I am around and sometimes those I'm just listening to. I'm not the only person to report such powers although I, at least, don't charge for them and, therefore, require no legal disclaimer to shield me from liability if I am wrong. But, of course, psychics are never wrong. Everyone knows that.

In any case, while listening to President Bush speaking to an unscreened audience I actually had a sudden flash of telepathy. Because I'm a generous guy, I thought I'd share my deep insight with you. Any telepathically-derived information is below in italics. Enjoy!

Questioner: He [Political Analyst Kevin Phillips, author of American Theocracy] makes the point that members of your administration have reached out to prophetic Christians who see the war in Iraq, and the rise in terrorism, as signs of the apocalypse. Do you believe this?

Bush: I... the answer is...

Yes! Yes, I do! Wait, shit, can I say that? Stall for time.

Bush: I haven't really thought of it that way.

(Audience laughs)

Thank you Jesus, they're laughing!

Bush: Here's how I think of it... um...

Crap! Okay, if I say "no," my base will be really mad at me. If I say "yes," everyone is going to think I'm crazy. Oh, jeepers! Okay, KEEP TALKING! Be Folksy!

Bush: I have heard of that by the way... uh...

HA! See? I can read books too! Big ones, even! Okay, what do I do? What do I do? Think it through, George. Think of Jack Chick: what would he say?

Bush: The... uh...

Shit! I know what Jack would say and that's not helping! How should I know if this is the apocalypse? I'm not god, I'm just his messenger! Wait, that's good! We're not supposed to think too much because that makes us arrogant. I'm not arrogant like that... that... academic so I must be... um...

Bush: I guess I'm more of a practical fella.


Well, I hope you've all enjoyed that. I know I did.

No, I'm not really telepathic. But listen to Bush and see if you disagree with me.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The only evil shit left for that man to do is eat a dead baby heart. I, for one, am waiting with baited breath for that press conference...

Tuesday, March 21, 2006 7:11:00 PM  
Blogger Tom Volscho said...

Perfect Drek!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 4:31:00 AM  
Blogger Tom Bozzo said...

George W. Bush going off-script really is the gift that keeps giving.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 8:29:00 AM  
Blogger Drek said...

I think Susan's right, but I doubt it'll ever happen. I mean, Bush doesn't want to just repeat Cheney's act, does he?

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger Drek said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 10:46:00 AM  

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