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Friday, April 14, 2006

Children maybe shouldn't talk so much.

If you are like me (and most of the time I like to assume you're not) you have a number of memories of saying or doing things as a child that you perhaps now regret. This isn't necessarily because you were a stupid child, although in some cases that probably was the problem, but because as a child you didn't stop to think before you said or did something.

Come to think of it: that still basically describes me now.

In any case, these memories may be embarrassing to us, but they can be terribly amusing to others. In line with this, the boys over at Something Awful have assembled a charming list of some of the things that children have said over the years. Some of these are a little embarrassing:

When I was about 3 or so, we were on a long trip, and we'd gone into a Dairy Queen. There happened to be a Vietnamese woman there, with about 3 kids. She was talking to them in Vietnamese, which, to my three year old ears, sounded like "QUING WAN ZHONG GWAN WRAH UR ZHAI GWRANG..."

So when my parents' backs were turned, I confidently strolled up to the Vietnamese family, and said "WING GRANG QUAN ZHI UR WAI GWONG - " at which point my parents rushed over and grabbed me away. The entire Vietnamese family was laughing about it, although my own family was mortified. When I heard about it a few years later, my response was, "Wow, I wonder what I said to them."

Some are a little macabre:

When I was about five, we were at an aunt and uncle's house. They had a kitten that was a few months old, I guess. Well, they didn't want it to get out of the house because my uncle was mowing the lawn. But, one of my cousins let it out and in the chase to try and catch it it got scared and, you guessed it, tried to hide under the lawn mower and I witnessed the whole tragic event. My mom, thinking that I would be scarred by this experience calmly sat me down and explained to me that the kitten got hurt and that it died. I replied, "Yeah, it went 'thunk, thunk, thunk!'" She was mortified.

And some are just... hard to explain:

Only thing I can think of to contribute occurred when I was 3 years old, and my mom was having a dinner party. She was talking me up to the guests— "Rollersnake is so intelligent, so advanced for his age," etc. So I come running into the room all excited and shouting "Come see! Come see!" My mom and all her guests follow me out of the dining room, down the hallway, and into the bathroom, where I proudly point in the toilet and announce:

"My poop looks like circus animals!"

It's worth a look, and good for a laugh. Enjoy!

If any of you have poop that resembles any sort of wildlife, I'd just as soon you keep that knowledge to yourselves.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

True Story:
"Mom, everyone dies, right?"
[Mom]: "Er, of life...blah, blah, blah...Great Aunt so-and-so...Natural, Fine, Don't Sweat it, but yes. Everyone dies."
"So what's the point?"
[Mom]: "..."

Saturday, April 15, 2006 6:42:00 AM  

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