Total Drek

Or, the thoughts of several frustrated intellectuals on Sociology, Gaming, Science, Politics, Science Fiction, Religion, and whatever the hell else strikes their fancy. There is absolutely no reason why you should read this blog. None. Seriously. Go hit your back button. It's up in the upper left-hand corner of your browser... it says "Back." Don't say we didn't warn you.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Woulda come in handy a few years ago...

Back in the days of yore before I came to graduate school I had a job. This job was, in a nutshell, one of the worst experiences of my life. If we leave out the horrendously inappropriate office behavior, the terrible management, the dubious product line, and our very real potential to accidentally kill someone* there would still be a lot to talk about in the form of graft, illegal contracts and simple tax evasion. I have mentioned this job before, I know, but frankly no stories I can tell here** can even begin to drive home the sheer horror that was my employment experience... although this post makes a decent start on it. To put it most simply: had I watched The Office back then I would have felt nothing so much as jealousy at how well run that place of work is.

One of the things that was worst about this job were the meetings. Endless, interminable meetings with the same damned people. They would start in the morning and, for all intents and purposes, continue at regular intervals throughout the day. There was always a stated reason for these meetings but, in fact, my officemate and I understood the truth of things: we usually held meetings outside and the boss wasn't permitted to smoke indoors. You do the math. Often I would get a notification of an upcoming meeting and feel this undeniable sinking feeling. A sense of impending, unavoidable doom. I would have given almost anything to avoid these meetings and occasionally debated with my officemate whether suicide was a better option. Our answers varied according to day. It goes without saying that I always managed to cling, somehow, to my will to live.

Well, now thanks to the power of the internet, you can have your cake and eat it too. Or, more accurately, keep your life, but cathartically commit suicide as well. I give you the flash game Five Minutes to Kill (yourself) in which you must do yourself in, using only items found in your office, within 5 minutes or face the wrath of a meeting:

Following a brief introduction...

The action begins. You must navigate your office, using your coworkers and common items to gradually inflict sufficient damage to end your life. Some of the methods are quite fascinating, too. I think my favorite is putting a giant pinata on my head, thus luring coworkers into beating me with bats.

Why my coworkers are carrying bats in their pockets is something I'll decline to speculate on.

In any case, it's a fun little game, it's a bit cathartic, and it's worth a look.

Have fun!

* Not kidding. Not even a little.

** Meaning that they don't have the same oomph when I make them non-specific enough to recount on a blog.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

YOu're wondering why your coworkers are carrying bats in their pockets? I read in the paper that Florida is debating a bill to allow workers to keep their guns in their cars while at work. No wimpy bats there.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007 2:12:00 PM  

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