Total Drek

Or, the thoughts of several frustrated intellectuals on Sociology, Gaming, Science, Politics, Science Fiction, Religion, and whatever the hell else strikes their fancy. There is absolutely no reason why you should read this blog. None. Seriously. Go hit your back button. It's up in the upper left-hand corner of your browser... it says "Back." Don't say we didn't warn you.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

8 Random "Facts"

Folks who spend a lot of time on the interblag know that a new meme has been circulating. In this meme you post eight random facts about yourself and then tag eight other people to continue the "fun." I was recently tagged by the always lovely Practicing Idealist and so now am quasi-obligated to participate. Seeing as how I'm a believer in evolution and all, however, I've decided to spice things up with a little bit of random mutation. Instead of posting eight facts about me, I'm going to post several facts and several completely made up pseudo-facts. You can have hours* of fun trying to decipher which is which. Ready? Okay then: let's start!

Eight Random Facts(?) About Drek:

(1) When I was in second grade I did a science fair project on the atomic bomb. For all intents and purposes this meant making a plaster-of-paris model and understanding the theory behind it. Believe you me: the equations are a bitch. I didn't actually manufacture an atomic weapon, so have no fear. I made it as far as regionals** but that was it and the experience gave me both a keen interest in Cold War politics and in nuclear disarmament. It's also why I have so little respect for George "Nukular" Bush. I've been pronouncing the word correctly since I was in second-fucking-grade! C'mon, it's not that hard!

(2) I once dressed up as a woman and danced for an audience. No alcohol, drugs, blackmail or, really, monetary compensation was involved.*** I am, as it turns out, a startlingly ugly woman. My biggest complaint about the experience is that- frankly- they don't really make heels for feet as big as mine. Ladies: I have no doubt those things hurt your feet, and I have extensive sympathy for you about it, but try wearing a pair about six sizes too small.

(3) My grandfather owned a ranch in western Ohio and taught me to ride during a visit when I was young. I haven't really kept up the skill, since I don't have much opportunity to spend time around horses in grad school, but when I was a kid I figured it would be a useful skill in the event of a nuclear apocalypse (see fact #1 above).**** More recently, I just figure it'll be useful in case of zombie apocalypse.

(4) I once met, and had a conversation, with Ed Begley Jr. in a supermarket in California. We discussed a number of topics but the one that stands out in my mind is how he cleaned up after murdering a hooker.***** The man has remarkable composure.

(5) I became an atheist when I was about ten years old. I was stargazing with my father when he was overcome by a heart attack. I might have been able to save him, but his medicine was too far away in the house. If we'd only kept it in the upstairs bathroom, he might be alive now. After he died I just somehow knew that there was no god and have remained an atheist to this day. The incident, while destroying my superstition, did nothing to my love of astronomy- it would take college-level physics class to wreck that.******

(6) I have earned every merit badge for first aid, wilderness aid, and wilderness survival that the Boy Scouts offer. This is mostly because I belonged to the reject patrol******* that the scoutmasters used to dump the tragically inept in and, for some reason, they felt that all we were capable of learning was first aid. This has always amused me since, really, you'd think you'd teach the morons how to make sand art and teach the life saving techniques to the smart kids. I'll readily admit that as an adult I have no idea whatsoever how to carve wood, but I'm pretty sure that I could put in a chest tube with nothing but a pocket knife and an old ballpoint pen.

(7) When I was in college I lived with a guy who kept an 8x10" photograph of a urinating rhinoceros on his dresser. When I asked him about it, he explained that it, "Reminds me of my girlfriend." His favorite hobby was to blow bubbles with his spit and he made extra cash on the side by selling drugs- specifically rohypnol. Sadly, before I could figure out where his stash was and bust him, he got himself moved by claiming I was sexually harassing him.********

(8) As a child I briefly thought that "Pol Pot" was the name of a rice and chicken dish.********* This would have been an amusing eccentricity except for that time when we went to a Cambodian restaurant and I asked, "Do you have Pol Pot?" I don't think my mother has ever been more ashamed of me.**********

I know I'm supposed to tag others at this point, so I suppose I'll hit Tom Volscho, Dan Myers, and S.S. Stone.

Have fun!

* Minutes, at best, but saying "hours" is just more impressive.

** At which point I encountered a judge who remarked, "What? Do you wanna make bombs when you grow up, kid?" gave me shitty marks, and ran off.

*** On the other hand, small children were involved. I leave it to you to decide what the context was.

**** I once read a civil defense manual so that, in the event of a nuclear exchange, I'd be able to do my best to survive the fallout. If you're curious, it's about 80% luck, and 20% training, which more or less meant that in the event of a full-scale nuclear exchange between the U.S. and U.S.S.R. we were all fucked.

***** Well, that's the interpretation I keep coming back to, anyway. For the record, this blog has a substantial amout of humor (see the tag below) and I don't mean this as slander. Please don't sue me.

****** I'll never completely understand the purpose of "weed out" classes. If the material is really that hard, it'll weed people out on its own. You don't need to help it by being the meanest son-of-a-bitch that you can be.

******* I was in it mostly by virtue of being a rather unenthusiastic scout. The religious rhetoric flying around the scouts was a little too much for me. In addition to the first aid, however, my patrol also became champion latrine diggers. At least we learned skills that will always be in demand.

******** Seriously, were I homosexual, I'm pretty sure I'd have better taste than that. Also better shoes, but that's beside the point.

********* It sounds kinda like "pot pie," and I don't speak Cambodian. How the hell am I supposed to distinuish names of people from names of foods by ear?

********** Not true. I think she was more ashamed when my uncle asked me if I'd ever considered the ministry for a career. I answered politely, and concealed the fact that I'm an atheist, but I think she really WOULD have preferred I be a minister.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

All I have to say is: And I thought I had some bad roommates in college...

Wednesday, July 18, 2007 10:27:00 AM  
Blogger TDEC said...

Strangely enough, I find the thought of you as a boy scout much funnier than the thought of Drek-the-minister. I can totally see you as a minister. Apart from the religion thing of course.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007 10:36:00 AM  
Blogger SARA said...

Thank you for sharing your eight points, it's helpful in understanding a little bit more about Drek. ;)

Friday, July 20, 2007 5:59:00 AM  

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