Total Drek

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Thursday, April 17, 2008

Confessions of a new uncle.

Recently my older sister gave birth to her first child- a daughter. In giving birth to this child my sister became a mother and I, of course, became an uncle. This means that I will be responsible for all sorts of uncle-y duties which, from my own experiences of uncles, largely consist of playing practical jokes and being weird. As those who know me can attest, I should have these aspects of my job covered with considerable aplomb.

Other duties have arisen, however, that are more problematic. Just before the birth my mother and father took an extended vacation to my sister's town of residence in order to assist with the infant. They were there for the birth, were there while the little one was still in the hospital, and have been helping to care for the new bundle of joy.* This means that I have been innundated with pictures of the child, the child with her mother, the child with her father, the child with my mother, the child with my father, the child with her toys, the child with her crib, the child with the dog, the child with the cat, the child hailing her first cab... you get the point. My wife and I have been swallowed up in a virtual hurricane of photographic evidence all pointing to the inescapable conclusion that my sister has somehow come into possession of a small baby and really wants everyone to know about it.

There's nothing wrong with this, and I'm glad my sister is happy. She and her husband deserve all the happiness in the world. It's just that these pictures make me feel terrible about myself. No, it's not that I am at present without children.** It's just that... well... I have this problem with all the pictures. I look at them, and everyone is so happy. My mom is smiling, my sister is glowing, my father is so proud. And then I look at my new niece and no matter how hard I try to stop it, the only thought that pops into my head- time and time again- is "Quaid! Start the reactor! Free Mars!"***

I am a horrible, horrible person.

* Actually, from what I can tell, my niece was initially a bundle of screaming madness, but that's not the point.

** I'm fairly certain that if my wife and I were expecting right now I would already have descended into total insanity.

*** If you don't know the reference this will not be nearly so funny but I think you get the gist. Alas, my mind wanders where it will and sometimes does so despite my express wishes.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, it puzzles me that people seem to think babies are intrinsically cute. They're not! It's the hormones. As an expecting first-time father, I'm hoping for a strong dollop of oxytosin after birth.

At which point, "it will be different when it's [my] own" (heard that one before?).

All of which is utterly fine, and I fully expect to suddenly decide babies are cute and adorable when my own arrives. It's what happens.

Thursday, April 17, 2008 8:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, and congratulations!

Friday, April 18, 2008 6:41:00 AM  

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