Total Drek

Or, the thoughts of several frustrated intellectuals on Sociology, Gaming, Science, Politics, Science Fiction, Religion, and whatever the hell else strikes their fancy. There is absolutely no reason why you should read this blog. None. Seriously. Go hit your back button. It's up in the upper left-hand corner of your browser... it says "Back." Don't say we didn't warn you.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

"You are getting sleepy, your wallet is feeling heavy, you need to lighten it..."

Ladies, we here at Total Drek are dedicated to helping you. For that reason, we have an announcement you may find interesting. This man is Adam Eason and he is interested in your breasts.

Cupping hand gestures aside, Eason really is interested in your breasts or, more specifically, in helping you to enlarge them. Isn't it amazing how so many men seem to be- entirely altruistically- interested in helping women feel good about themselves through enlarging certain body parts? So noble.

Okay, seriously, Eason does want to help you enlarge your bust but the manner in which he wants to help may surprise you. He doesn't want to perform surgery, he doesn't want to sell you an herbal treatment or regimen of hormones. All of this, you see, is expensive and ineffective. No, instead, he wants to help you think your way to a more confident, more endowed you. That's right, ladies: Adam Eason is the inventor of the revolutionary new Hypnotic Breast Enlargement Programme! You can have the absurdly oversized breasts you've always wanted by just listening to his hypnotic suggestions on this tastefully decorated CD:

The logic behind this exciting new program is, of course, impeccable:

Maybe you are sceptical or uncertain about how hypnosis could actually enlarge breasts.

It seems odd to many people, and once you understand how the brain and mind respond to hypnosis, and how easy it really is for you to reprogramme the cells of your body using hypnosis, you simply discover that you actually have far more control over your body than you may have realised.

After all, it is your brain that knows to enlarge your breasts when you are changing hormonally — when pregnant or when menstruating for example. [emphasis added]

That's right! The complex cascade of hormonal and biological signals that occurs during puberty or pregnancy can be summed up as "your brain knows to enlarge your breasts". It's sort of like how when I eat a lot of junkfood my brain knows to enlarge my ass. It's amazing the kind of control the brain has! But let's talk turkey, how does this work concretely?

Firstly, this audio programme helps to stimulate your growth hormones:

During the Hypnosis sessions, we imagine that we connect with and tune into the parts of your brain that control your sense of who you are and how you perceive yourself. The parts of your brain that maintain most of the body’s systems and controls what emotional chemicals are in our system and the release of hormones too.

We influence the mind and body within the hypnosis sessions to create a connection that you feel aware of between your mind and body.

Many people actually report to me that they can sense that occurrence in their body with those particular hypnosis sessions. Many state that it is an enthralling sensation to experience!

Secondly, we take you on a journey through time with your beliefs:

During certain periods of time in your life, you had beliefs that were powerful and perhaps over time as your beliefs changed, you started to truly believe that you were destined to be a certain way. The memory of powerful beliefs that enhance the growth process is almost like a blueprint that your brain has stored within it that we’d like you to enjoy again.

You can stimulate the beliefs inherent within you about how you identify with yourself. We want you to ravel into the future to experience yourself being progressive and positive about who and how you are.

It is such a growing joy to also experience your future inside your mind and feel how good it is when you have achieved your goal.

Thirdly, the principle of imagination:

During these receptive hypnotic states, your brain is going to create and install the outcome that you want. This imagination process is a way to directly communicate with your body, to send messages to your unconscious mind. [emphasis original]

What the fuck does that even mean? Who cares? If you believe it, you get bigger boobs! It's just that simple! Accept nonsensical gibberish and pay $49.00, plus shipping and handling, and you too can have bigger boobs. Trust me! I'm, like, totally honest! And what are the benefits of enlarging your own breasts? Oh, hey, they're legion:

What are some benefits to you of enlarging your breasts today?

Just realising how much you are in control of your physiology enhances your confidence and self-esteem.

Think about how you are going to feel about yourself after you have used your mind in such a profoundly amazing way! It gives you confidence that so much more is possible in this life.

Many people feel say that they are more confident about their life in general.

Imagine looking into the mirror and seeing larger breasts, and also that sense of inspiration that goes with feeling good about being you.

Imagine what it might feel like inside your bra. Maybe you can even imagine how good that feels when someone else feels them! The prospects are exciting, aren’t they? [emphasis original]

Yeah! Try imaging what it it feels like when someone else feels them. Imagine that someone else is a redhead. And eighteen. And a cheerleader! Oh, yeah, describe what you imagine that's like when she feels your new breasts. You like it, don't you? Yeah. And now she has some oil- you're both covered in oil. That's good.

Ahem. Anyway, it's just that simple! By thinking about bigger breasts, and visualizing bigger breasts, you can have them!* Just check out this artist's conception** of a before-and-after photo:***

Order now, and Adam will ship your CD right away!

* Using this logic, shouldn't every teenage boy in America start growing a pair of d-cups?

** Artist may never have seen actual human breasts at any point in his life.

*** Results may vary.

Hat-tip to Orac who spent way more time on this than I have.

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