Total Drek

Or, the thoughts of several frustrated intellectuals on Sociology, Gaming, Science, Politics, Science Fiction, Religion, and whatever the hell else strikes their fancy. There is absolutely no reason why you should read this blog. None. Seriously. Go hit your back button. It's up in the upper left-hand corner of your browser... it says "Back." Don't say we didn't warn you.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Andrew Schlafly: Modern Day Saint?

Folks who know of my great "fondness" for Conservapedia are no doubt surprised by the title to today's post. Indeed, have I had a change of heart so profound as to force me to wonder if Andy Schlafly is worthy of beautification? A fair question but, take heart dear readers, I have not sustained a massive head trauma in the recent past. No, instead, I have noticed something on the aforementioned Conservapedia that fairly boggles the mind.

You may recall that Conservapedia has, of late, been working on "retranslating" the bible. Retranslating is, of course, too strong a term as originally they were simply re-copying the King James Version (KJV) of the bible into modern English and making "tweaks" so that the bible's true conservative message would shine through. Some of these tweaks- like the discussion about whether "damsel" should be replaced with "bimbo"- were little short of surreal. The project has been gradually evolving in the direction of a more honest effort to retranslate the bible from earlier texts, with the caveat that Schlafly is still in charge and can't actually read any of the ancient languages those texts are written in. It's a little like having your calculus homework checked by a seven-year-old. Regardless, more recently this mad endeavour has gained wide attention, receiving mention in a variety of outlets ranging from other soc blogs to the Colbert Report. Just remember, folks: before it was on Colbert, it was on Total Drek!

In any case, Schlafly loves media attention and has been making the rounds of various radio and media interviews. Some of these have proven to be funnier than others, and some have been funny less because of Schlafly and more because of the idiots interviewing him. For example, the radio show that sums up Schlafly's point in a most amusing way:

Or, in plain human speech:

Andrew Schlafly is the creator, he says his translation of the bible will fight what he calls an increasing political correctness of the good book, taking out what he calls 'gender neutral terms' that immaculate it, and also expressing the free market meaning behind the parables of Jesus. [emphasis added]

Indeed. I hate it when gender-neutral terms immaculate me. Riiiiight. Never mind that the grammar in that summary is enough to make a high school English teacher turn to drinking.

Regardless, the publicity has apparently gone to Andy's head because on today's Conservapedia frontpage appears this lovely headline:

Or, again in regular language:

Conservapedia was live on WNOX, "Knoxville's Big Talker," Tuesday morning at 7:05am ET for nearly an hour. The phone lines lit up during the show. One caller's statement: "People were guided by the Holy Spirit when they wrote the Bible." Answer: "People are guided by the Holy Spirit now too."

Right, so, to recap: caller says "the bible was inspired by god," Andy responds, "So are we!" So, in effect, Andrew Schlafly is presently claiming that he, and Conservapedia, are instruments of god. Let me say that again: Andrew Schlafly believes he is an instrument of the Lord.

All I can really say is that I can't wait to see the new translation of 1 John 4:9:

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son Andrew Schlafly into the world, that we might live through him.

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Blogger scripto said...

I get all my news from Total Drek. I've seen Phyllis. Heard her speak. Andy can only be the result of Immaculate Conception.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009 6:40:00 AM  
Blogger The Dude said...

You are a butt fucking, jew fag, nigger fucker. I hope you enjoy funding terrorism with all your liberal pot smoking you faggot. You are so to the left it makes my intellectual brain want to seize up.

If you want to get on the right side of Jesus you'd better jump on the soul train because right now you are going straight to hell.

"Jesus Loves You"

Tuesday, December 08, 2009 11:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Dude, sit the fuck down and eat some dip before I take a fucking shotgun to your ass packing buddy Jesus. You and your Christian cronies don't have the balls to actually take a stand for anything on your own so keep on sucking your pastor's big bulbous gorilla headed cock and singing the praises of your defunct religion.

Sunday, August 08, 2010 6:28:00 PM  

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